


Catatonic

by Lolash



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Depression, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Pre-Slash, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-03
Updated: 2014-11-03
Packaged: 2018-02-24 00:45:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2561819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lolash/pseuds/Lolash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The war is over. People are beginning to rebuild their lives. Except Harry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Catatonic

The war had been over for several months now. The Wizarding World was slowly but surely picking up the pieces from the devastation that had been Lord Voldemort. People were beginning to get on with their lives.

Except for Harry Potter.

**~ The Day after the Final Battle ~**

"We believe he is in a catatonic state," Healer, Hermione checked woman's name tag, Mallory, said calmly. "It's a psychological state of regression. Harry is awake in a sense, but he is unresponsive to any outside stimuli."

Hermione grabbed Ron's hand tightly. "So what are the treatment options? You said it was psychological. What kind of psychological treatments can be done for someone who can't even participate in the treatments?"

"We believe the extreme stress from the war and the final battle is the cause of his current state. So we will start him on a course of potions for depression and post-traumatic stress disorder to start."

Ron nodded and pulled Hermione to his chest to hold her. "What can we do to help?"

"He certainly wouldn't hurt from visitors. Talk to him, keep away from anything to close to the war, tell him about the good things that are going on, give him something to want to come back for."

* * *

 

Hermione was sitting beside the hospital bed that Harry was occupying, holding the young man's hand. She stared at her friend, worry etched on her face. It had been two months since they had started Harry on his potions and they had yet to garner any results.

"Hello Harry," Hermione said quietly, rubbing circles on her friend's hand with her thumb. "Ron got in at the Ministry as an Auror. He had to go in for training today otherwise he'd be here with me. We're doing pretty well. We got the house I talked to you about last time I was here," she leaned in to speak into Harry's ear. "You have to get better so you can come see it, yeah?"

Harry remained quiet, his eyes unseeing, staring straight ahead, blinking slowly, a feeding tube running from the Gryffindor's nose.

Hermione brushed the tears that had fallen from her face. "I talked to Professor Snape again today. He's been asking after you. He's finally been cleared of all the charges, did I tell you? He is planning on starting back as Headmaster at Hogwarts after they have the school all fixed up. It's coming along well. They think that the school will be back up and running by next year."

"Excuse me Ms. Granger," A nurse was leaning into the room, an apologetic smile on her face. "I'm sorry to interrupt but it's time for Mr. Potter's exercises."

"Oh, of course!" Hermione moved away from the bed to allow the nurse room.

"I'm Elena, by the way," the nurse said politely.

Hermione gave a small smile. "Nice to meet you. How has he been doing? I haven't seen his Healer yet so I haven't had a chance to get any updates."

"Well, his vitals are still good. Heart rate, blood pressure, all normal." Elena removed the blankets from Harry's legs and began flexing the young man's left leg.

"And there's still no improvement from the potions." It wasn't a question. Hermione pulled a folder from her bag. "I was researching some alternative forms of therapy and I wanted to know the Healer's thoughts on them. Maybe I can leave them with you and have the Healer relay her thoughts?"

Elena smiled "Sure. I'll make sure she receives the information."

* * *

 

Severus stood in the doorway of the hospital room staring at the prone form on the bed. His stomach had dropped when he had first taken in the sight of Harry Potter, the infernal Gryffindor, the bane of his existence, laying in a bed, a catheter running from beneath his blankets and feeding tube inserted into his nose.

It was unnerving for him to see the boy who once held so much life and energy lying there, defeated. Severus knew Potter wasn't anything like what he had accused throughout his years of teaching the boy. He'd had a role to play, a very difficult role to play. This boy, this _idiotic_ , reckless, brave boy, was the only reason he was still alive and free.

Severus sighed and walked further into the room, grabbing the young man's chart from the end of the bed. He flipped through the pages checking to see the potion regime that Harry had been on. All psychiatric, as he expected. He returned the chart and faced the Gryffindor.

"So, Potter, fine mess you've gotten yourself into this time," he scowled. "Granger has informed me that this is all some psychological stress response. These potions alone aren't going to make you better. You have to _want_ it." Severus moved closer to the head of the bed, leaning into Harry's face. "Idiot boy, you can't just sit there and let yourself die."

"Oops! Sorry for interrupting!" Elena paused in the doorway.

Severus quickly straightened. "No need to apologize, I was just leaving." Severus moved for the door.

"Is Ms. Granger to be visiting today? Healer Mallory reviewed her notes and wanted to talk to her about the music therapy."

Severus paused. "I am not aware of Ms. Granger's schedule, however, I will relay the information to her."

* * *

 

A week later found Severus once more in Harry Potter's hospital room, sitting beside the bed-ridden boy. He had ensured that none of Potter's friends would be visiting that day, giving him time alone with the catatonic Gryffindor.

He turned the young man's head so that he wouldn't have to strain to look into the green eyes. Pulling a case out from beside his chair, Severus removed a viola, laying it on his lap as he removed, tightened, and rosined the bow. He quickly tuned the instrument, settled it into position, and made eye contact with the young man once more. "Legilimens." And he began to play.

Severus found himself in the dark, seeing nothing, only feeling. The strong emotions coming from the other man fueled his playing. His bow moved fluidly along the strings of the viola as a crushing sadness swept into his mind. Severus knew this feeling well and was easily able to translate it into music.

The sadness waned slightly, almost as if to pause for the music. Severus took the opportunity to change the tempo slightly, changing the tune from sorrowful to hopeful, letting the notes slowly build into a gentle crescendo.

From the doorway of the room, Elena stood, a small smile on her face. She slowly backed out, Harry could receive his exercises a little later than usual.

* * *

 

"I'm glad to see you were able to find someone for the music therapy. He's a very talented man," Elena said as she finished recording Harry's vitals on his chart.

Hermione and Ron turned to Elena, confused. "We didn't find anyone," Ron said. "We were still waiting to hear back from Healer Mallory."

"Oh! Well, Mister Snape said he would let you know, I'm sorry."

"Snape knew!?" Ron exclaimed.

"I didn't even know he was visiting Harry," Hermione stated. "Who did his therapy?"

"Um, well, Mister Snape did."

"Oh." Hermione turned to look at Harry briefly. "How many times has he visited?"

"Only a few times that I know of. We've noticed that Harry's brain activity seems to improve slightly during his visits. He's very good for our Mr. Potter here."

Ron turned to his girlfriend slightly horrified, "But _Snape_?"

* * *

 

Severus held the final note for a few beats before lowering the viola to his lap, keeping his mind connected to the younger man's. _'That's it for today, Potter.'_   Severus thought to Harry. _'I will be back in two days and we shall try again.'_

Severus broke the contact gently and began putting away his instrument.

"Are you using legilimency on him while you play?"

The gentle voice from behind Severus startled him more than he would have admitted to. Severus turned around to glare at Harry's friend. "I do not appreciate being spied on Ms. Granger." Severus turned and closed his case, setting it aside once more, "To answer your question, yes. If I can be aware of where he is mentally and emotionally I can change how I play to have greater influence on him."

"I didn't even know you played, Professor."

Severus sneered, "There is a lot you do not know about me Ms. Granger."

"Like why you're even here," she said pointedly.

"I wasn't aware that I had to explain my actions to you or anyone else since my release from Ministry custody."

Hermione sighed, "That's not what I meant and you know it."

Severus stood and turned to face the bushy-haired girl. "I apologize for my temper. I find it difficult to let go of old habits. I find myself in debt to Mr. Potter and wish to repay what is due."

Hermione leaned forward in her seat, "Does he hear you, while you're in there?"

"On some level he does, he does not speak to me if that is what you mean to say."

"Oh," Hermione looked down, disappointed. "I appreciate what you're doing for him. I just wanted to come by and let you know that."

Severus gave a nod of his head in acknowledgment. "I will be by again in two days and would appreciate privacy for these sessions."

Hermione nodded in understanding. "I think that can be arranged."

* * *

 

" _Legilimens_." Severus was once more enveloped in the mind of Harry Potter. He picked up his viola and started playing along to the feelings in the mind of the young man. He was pleased to note that the sadness and fear he had found his first few visits into Harry's mind had eased some.

 _'You need to come back Potter.'_   He spoke gently into the other man's mind.

The mood dropped momentarily, to Severus' surprise. It was the first of any kind of response he had received from Potter since he had begun. _'You can hear me can't you?'_

It was quiet, so quiet if he hadn't been listening, Severus would have missed it. _'Yes.'_

Severus immediately stopped playing and broke eye contact to check on Harry's physical status. Harry was still, breathing deeply, eyes unseeing. "Potter!"

No response. Severus looked into the green eyes again " _Legilimens_."

 _'Potter! Answer me!'_ Severus waited several beats, receiving no response. He once more broke contact and went to fetch the Healer.

* * *

 

_'You're back.'_

Severus nearly fell from his chair as a quiet voice greeted him almost as soon as he entered Harry's mind. _'You're aware.'_

_'Yes… No… I don't know. Where are we?'_

_'Your mind, Potter.'_ The mood immediately turned to fear. _'A frightening place to be, surely, but one I am sure you are accustomed to.'_

A quiet chuckle, _'Why are you in my head?'_

_'You are in the hospital, Potter. You've been catatonic for over three months now. I've been trying to help you.'_

_'Oh,'_ Harry said quietly.

_'You need to come out of it Potter.'_

_'Why are you here though?'_

_'Because I was in a position to help. You managed to help me without even being conscious. It would be rude of me not to return the favor.'_

_'I don't want it.'_

Severus balked, _'You wish to stay this way?'_

 _'Yes,'_ Harry said, his voice starting to fade.

 _'Why?'_ But Harry didn't respond.

* * *

 

_'Where do you go when you aren't here?'_

_'My cupboard.'_ Harry responded softly.

That was one thing Severus noticed every time he and Harry spoke, the young man was always so quiet, docile, apathetic.

_'Your cupboard?'_

_'Under the stairs at the Dursley's. It was my room until the summer after first year.'_

_'Why on earth would that be a place you would want your mind to go?'_ Severus asked.

_'I didn't choose it. Not really. I was just… there. It's safe there. Quiet too.'_

There was a long pause in their conversation; it was Harry who broke the silence. _'Snape? Why do you keep coming back?'_

_'To be perfectly honest Potter, I can't stand seeing you so defeated.'_

Harry snorted. _'Bullied me the entire time I was in school for being a reckless idiot and now that I am actually not getting into trouble you complain.'_

_'You are still causing trouble, Potter. Granger is up here almost every day checking up on you. It may have also escaped your notice, but there are people out here that care about you.'_

_'People who are moving on with their lives, starting relationships, families; I don't belong there. I did what I had to do. Now I can do what I want to do.'_

_'And you think there is nothing like that for you out here? You're the damn Golden Boy for Merlin's sake. You will have women lining up for your attention. There won't be a person out here who wouldn't employ you. You do have a future, Potter, you just have to want it.'_

_'You've always assumed that I wanted and liked that attention. It's frustrating really, that you can't accept that I don't want those things. I don't want to be catered to. I don't want people lining up for me just because I am the Savior. I want peace. I get peace here.'_

Severus let out a frustrated sigh. _'Why are you so determined to die?'_

 _'Why are you so determined to make sure I don't die? One might start to think you have a crush on me,'_ Harry joked lightly.

* * *

 

Severus had just finished playing and had settled for his post-music therapy chat with Harry.

_'I had a crush on you, you know?'_

Severus froze, _'Excuse me?'_

_'I said I had a crush on you. I guess have is a better way of putting it. It just seems like a lifetime ago, everything before this.'_

_'And what, dare I ask, prompted this little confession?'_ Severus asked, trying to regain his footing in the conversation.

_'I've already told you that I have no intention of coming out of this. What harm can come of me telling you now? It's not like you can give me a detention. I don't really have anything to lose by telling you.'_

_'If you have no intention of rejoining the land of the conscious then why do you continue conversing with me?'_

_'It gets lonely in here. Sometimes I can tell when Hermione or Ron visits but they've never used Legilimency and even if they did I wouldn't want to talk back to them. I don't want them to know I don't want to come back. They wouldn't understand.'_

_'So you plan on staying in such a state until you just waste away then?'_

_'I suppose.'_

_'Has it occurred to you, Potter, that it would… bother me to see you do so?'_

Harry was silent for a moment. _'It had crossed my mind. I just figured if there was anyone who would be able to handle it that you would be the one.'_

_'I am different from the Severus Snape you knew, Potter. I don't have to play that part anymore and seeing more death is not something I wish to partake in. I watched as Albus wasted away because of that damned hand. I watched it happen to one person I cared for and I will be damned if I do it again!'_

Severus broke the connection with Harry's mind, cursing himself for letting his anger get the better of him. He quickly packed up his instrument and left.

* * *

 

_'I didn't think you were coming back.'_

_'I needed time to cool down, Potter.'_ It had been four days before Severus had managed to work himself up to seeing Harry again.

_'I'm sorry. It was wrong of me to assume that you would be okay with watching me die.'_

_'It hardly matters now, Potter. I have come back even though you have resigned yourself to die. I have made my decision.'_

Sadness had darkened Harry's mind as the two sat in silence.

 _'Do you hate me now?'_ Harry asked quietly.

 _'I have never hated you, Potter. I have felt a great many negative emotions towards you, hate has never been among them.'_ Severus pointedly ignored the change in mood as it hesitantly moved to hopeful.

_'Any good feelings every cross your mind in regards to me?'_

_'Pride, admiration as well,'_ Severus said without hesitation. _'You seemed to always overcome whatever hurdle had been thrown at you. You always fought back.'_

 _'Living up to that one aren't I?'_ Harry said dully.

_'Everyone has their breaking point, Potter.'_

_'You didn't.'_

_'The day your mother died was my breaking point. The only difference between you and I is that I managed to pick myself back up and fight back. Not because I wanted to continue living, I had never wanted to die more than I did at that moment. However, I had another reason to live. I had to protect you.'_

_'The last time you were here you said you cared about me. Is that because of my mum? I don't mean to bring all this back up for you, but from what I saw of your memories you seemed to care a lot for her.'_

_'She was my first and most treasured friend. I did not love her in the sense you are thinking. She was the only shred of good I had ever had in my life. As for what I said my last visit, yes, I care about you. It is not just because of your mother, though that is how it began. As I said, I admired you, your courage and strength.'_

_'And now?'_

Severus almost broke the connection then. The need that Harry was feeling was almost suffocating to Severus and he wasn't sure if he wanted to fan those flames any. _'Now,'_ he started hesitantly, _'Now, I find that I more concerned about your wellbeing than I had meant to be.'_

 _'You're going to make me actually ask you, aren't you?'_ Harry asked playfully, but still quietly.

_'Perhaps we should continue this conversation at our next meeting. Two days from now, Potter, as usual.'_

* * *

 

Severus positioned his viola and waited. He had frankly been dreading this visit with the Gryffindor. He had been dreading the conversation, dreading making a mental connection and playing. He didn't like it. He did not like this hesitation the younger man made him feel. Severus had always been sure in his actions in his later years. He always knew what he had to do. Emotions had never been allowed to come in to play and he had forgotten how to let them through easily.

Setting his bow on the strings, he once more joined minds with Harry Potter and began to play. He let all of his concern, his fear fall into the tone of the song. He relayed, through rests, notes, legato, decrescendos, his growing feelings. Not love. They didn't know each other enough to be at that point. Attraction, or crush as Harry had childishly put it.

Yes. That was what he wanted to relay. Attraction. Immediately the song became lighter, the notes staccato, jumping easily from note to note. Severus' mood instantly lifted as he left behind the somber tones he had begun with. He ended the song with a flurry of connected notes, flowing into each other. He immediately rested his viola and bow on his lap after the last note played.

 _'Does that answer your question, Potter?'_ Severus waited silently for a reply. He waited for several minutes but Harry remained silent. The longer the silence persisted the more his stomach began to turn.

 _'Potter?'_ Silence. Severus broke the connection from Harry's mind and immediately checked all of the younger man's vitals. Everything was normal, if not slightly elevated. Severus quickly put away his instrument and turned to the door. He would have a nurse check on him to be sure.

"How can you still call me Potter after playing that?"

Severus turned quickly to look at the Gryffindor. Bright eyes were staring right at him, a smile was plastered on chapped lips.

Severus' heart moved to his throat and for the first time in months, he smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> A lot of music terminology in here. I'll give a quick set of my own definitions.
> 
> Legato: A series of connected notes, usually played in one movement of the bow.
> 
> Crescendo: Music gradually gets louder.
> 
> Decrescendo: Music softens gradually.
> 
> Staccato: Short, quick notes.


End file.
